Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
