hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
