i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
