I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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