Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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