i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
