The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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