this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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