he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
