Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
