You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
