I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
