my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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