so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
