we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
