The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
two words...techno handjob
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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