Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
