I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
