he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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