just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize