in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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