I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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