Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
