this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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