Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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