i just wanna soil my oats bro
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize