My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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