If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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