complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
