My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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