fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
