i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
