Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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