At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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