If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
