fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
