After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
