I checked into jail on foursquare
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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