It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I could make wine with my vomit
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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