He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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