I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
