pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
