Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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