I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize