Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
