Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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