At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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