So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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