Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize