Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
