Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
