fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize