Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
babies were throwing up all over the place
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This house was built for laser tag.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
