Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
