You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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