Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
