would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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