Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
