my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
