I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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