Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize