girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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