She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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