The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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