I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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