I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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