the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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