We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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