I want to have your abortion
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
