when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize