Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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