I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
