drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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