I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
