I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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